Neuro-metal
my brain is neurometal and corporeal its trapped in a chemical bath of cerebral fluid and alcohol puncture its shields and I will go down quickly into the darkness that my soul has built a thick soup of darkness and pain taste it and it will burn the back of your throat like the herbs from a thousand altars, like the fires of a thousand Peles and Leo suns
1000
Could 1000 eyes cry as many tears as we have could 1000 voices scream their pain eternal as we have could 1000 ears listen to each others anguished cries unable to stop them as we have? could 1000 fingers touch our deepest parts as we have? For a year and half of that I have cried over you I have missed you I have needed you I have wanted you and after a year and half of that I will touch you I will kiss you I will meld with you I will make love to you I will be with you again loving remembering and living every single moment of it. My love, it has been long and long again since I last saw you it would take more than 1000 lips 1000 tongues 1000 throats 1000 lungs 1000 ways to tell you just how much that I love you how much that I want you how much that I need you how much that I still feel you.
Upon
I remember you when you came to me upon the moors of Scotland dancing, laughing, smiling looking towards me as if you meant to consume me with hungry hazel eyes and hair of flames you were beautiful to me then as you are to me now
Winterr
Will I see you in Winter, my love? you hair gorgeously dark against the stark white background your eyes reflecting the deep green of the forest that we once called home
The New Heroin
now, what is this thing I feel? turned away just as quickly as I can get there to this place that I hate but I am so comfortable in yes what a shame that I am gone and what a shame that I am december black on my inside
Evolver
evolve, evolver drop it down and spin me like wire around the cosmos what do you want, but to see and change and hear you want the taste of blood in you're mouth and the feeling of flesh under you're claws no tell me, why is mating succumbing and orgasm a little death? I feel all these things in the whirlpool of my genepool I want to swim, slither, and slink away in darkness and I feel a rumble in my throat that translates to a growl or purr animallusionary smooth black fur and glass green eyes what is this creature I see in my mirror? sleep all day hunt all night fight, fight bitch or flight which suits this sit-ch-u-a-tion? a sleeper has awakend in my psyche and is crawling around in my brain. Am I the evolved or evolver?
Make Me
Do you think I'm smart, that I'm a sweet thing? talk to me for awhile then make me climb the cliffs of utter orgasmic climax How can you be that way so fleshly making me claw and scream yet bow down to a God that I thought was dead how do you reconcile that? fuck you're God, and fuck you're Christ fuck you're sexist beliefs that I am a sinner that is the one thing that I hate you for Do you know that these thoughts wear me out do you know of the struggle that goes on behind my eyes and behind doors that no one can find do you know what those scars on my arm really mean? What would you're dick-less God have to say about those? I've paid for this pleasure of my flesh and mind and I reach out and I kick and scream and curse and give religion a middle finger but do you know do you know that I am really fucking cold and scared and oh so lost... but I will never never bow down you're God will not come or cum into me anywhere heart or regardless
Today
There is nothing like you here, this house this place I have lived in well it was late when we locked in and felt our walls break barely are you in my arms far away yet frighteningly close nothing fits, nothing feels right I am not there... I opened a box and cried today I opened a book and felt you today I came back to this house and it died today how does it feel as more time slips by and our stars separate from cosmic lovemaking tell me how does it feel as sleep further eludes you while it steals over me how will it feel when we can finally collapse together and not pray for sleep to erase the pain and bloody marks that seperation has carved into our very souls? when love, tell me when will that be?
In the Realm
I spent time walking in you're gardens fucked in you're pagoda and dreamt in the heaven in the realm of you're senses I was so deeply in love with you I was drowning willingly you oh you you my little love you never took me seriously you called me addictive because I loved the feel of you're mouth on mine and you're tongue on my clit who could not become an addict, crave it, desire it? you never tell him no when he asks you so suck his ugly little prick off get his rocks off that's what he expects of you and you so fucking willingly supply oh how I hate you in these moments then go and cry because I can't fuck you deny me and my love you will pay for that as I have paid with 200 nights of pain tears and torment I hid in the shadows while you took another lover you're first, you're last you're one true mistake I was drunk on you're taste and abused by you're cruel eyes and you're searing words oh how I could have slapped you in that moment then held you down and raped you
Hey You
Oh hey you, you little precious bitch care to tell me what having my heart meant to you? apparently nothing because I could not bend and twist into the ways you wanted me to you said you felt like my favorite chew-toy Oh how very odd it is to say that I felt like you ran you're nails into my veins and shredded them my insides were nothing but blood and nerves after you were through want to play scar with me, little girl? you never could go as far as I even though to you I am easily addicted and lost I have never lost my nerve and you could not top me nor ever understand me and tell me did you ever honestly love me or were to too busy bowing before and sucking off you're personal version of Hitler? I showed you my nature I opened up to you you saw me broke down and bleeding down to the lowest common denominator and you oh my little cruel love you turned away I would have showed you forever and kept you in my heart I would have romanced you like a some fine little french girl I would have kissed you with these red sticky candied lips I would have held you tight to my chest and protected you but you oh you you turned away and for that, bitch I will never masturbate to you're memory ever again but still... and yet still some part of me is having a hard time letting go
Sacred Secret
our times together are a secret shuttled between the two of us that no one can know or match or discover forever and this day have I loved you and never cease this is between us and to tell others is to cheapen so we will keep this to the other our own sweet sacred little secret
Quietness
Poetry and words being softly spoken language between my lover and I is poetry love lain down in lines or tears falling in stanzas and we are now seemingly mute a language forgotten a love only spoken in whispers where before it was screamed and sung down from the highest mountains and chanted in the deepest dark valleys this is quietness... mea culpa silencium
Ode to Gates and Doors
We embraced for the first time over a gate in this lifetime When you stepped thought the door my life up to that point stretched and snapped and time paid tribute and did the same and then…we were together days, days of love and of peace and of soul having let go of you, and looking back tears spill over from just the beauty of it I left ink stains and scratches in my wake on you're skin and blood lilies upon you're neck I left pieces of my existence for you to hold and think of me We will last forever because tomorrow is just a touch and dream away little wonder you, little wonder little wonder that I love you
Home
It's time for you to go home because you are no longer breathing but still living on in our hearts and heads never fading away go now, run in the green grass of the Summer Plains that are not of this Earth go now, run back home with those who went before you they meet you with open and loving arms you are safe there and we miss you but would never deny you happiness that you know now I can already see you smiling it's time for you to go home so go now, run because home is where the soul rests
Piece Series
1. the ropes they have held it with are slipping through and burning their fingers they had us but never possessed us separation will be a slap in the face to them as they think "how could this be" after the hell they put us through never looking back is not hard. 2. It was by this starlight fire and through this cosmic flame that we kissed for the first time and I need you, at night when I sleep candles and magick were burning in you're eyes and beating in you're heart and I feel you, at night when I sleep I know, these promises we will ever keep 3. a small price to pay, this pain for you're ring upon my finger and promises set and fulfilled and more to come but chills are in my skin and lead is in my eyes sleep will come like a scream I love you and I need you I know you and I feel you a small price to pay, this and I am content
Oxygenated
Oxygen and the need to breathe but breath is denied me as my body revolts I can mutilate myself stick needles into my body I can bleed yet I cannot breathe fire in the head is death to me and I cannot breathe and I feel like I am drowning as above so below or so it is supposed why is my body doing this to me the right to abuse is reserved do I have some kind of fucking internal protection device is it called a heart I never was really sure that I had one...
Wither
You faded more quickly than the blood lilies you left imprinted upon my thighs you little bitch but only his precious whore you let them look but they can never touch and I hurt and it hurts and you make me wither I will never be ok
Voiceless
Lightening hits the sky and rain implodes like silent teardrops and too much alcohol when was the last time that you had too much to drink? or the last time I tocuhed where it hurt? I do not like to hear certain voices nor let them hear me speak reply back to them in foul modern verse uni-verse, uber-idiocy silence fits me better sometimes in these days I don't like to speak and I hear parts of me scream to be heard scream to be touched and loved four hundred miles is so long to reach yet I still try Oh why do they make me speak? hatred feeds and overgrows a barrier, a bush to keep out certain things
The Fall
This weather makes me think of you the cooling fall breezes blowing that raven black hair of yours a thousand different directions this weather makes me remember loving you walking up the steps to your door being let in and kissing your soft little girl's mouth ; oh those pink lips how I miss them how I miss your taste, touch, smell how I miss being in your bed but the wind starts blowing and the tears come again that remind me of why you left me the times, they still haven't changed you ignore me I still want you I spend my days alone walking in the winds listening to what they have to say they carry all of the joy and sweet sadness of last year this time of the year... it was this time of the year when you left me and the rain begins to fall hiding my tears and pain the Fall hurts me so and Winter will bring her ice blades and razors to tear me apart again has it only been a year, my little hateful empty Luna?
Slow like my Blood
you never called last night and I and I cringed and crawled back into my bed, like a wounded creature, balled up and tight afraid yet looking for the next blow who knew a phone call could mean so much to me? the thought of you dripped slowly in my mind slow like my blood that drips off this paper pale wrist the tracery of veins is so easy to break, yet I fear digging in all the way afraid I will open Pandora's pretty little ugly box of horrors this world doesn't deserve that a girl doesn't deserve what a cruel demon of a heart can do tell me now did I push you're limits too far? did it hurt when my claw dug in did it feel good when I licked between you're thighs did I go just too much over you're boundaries I only pushed because I wanted to know and I went to far and you collapsed and I and I disappeared who do I think I am and you ask how do I dare damn me as a demon or raise me up as a god tell me to go and leave forever or tell me to stay and bow at you're feet I would do both whatever you desire of my fire just don't leave til we can rectify
X
Sex on x it's the it's the best or so I've heard from the kids who would rather tell me than their mothers those kids will do it all night and all day blow their tiny brains on coke, acid, pot fuck their brothers and sisters and dogs then go to church on Sunday and put on a painted smile and the minister is so very sinister because he's getting his rocks off under the pulpit and politicians lie and debate all day long their smoke screen is thick then they call me so sick... I'm knee-deep in the shit of hypocrisy arbitration in a nation of saints and whores the face of evil is disguised as candy-coated and innocent while it rips into you're guts but only under the table out of sight, out of mind don't let the kids see lest they lest they turn out to be like me
© 1999-2000 Copyright Ashley Evins (Aonie)
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