The Fart Chart

 VAIN PERSON        : One who loves the smell of his own fart
 AMBITIOUS          : Always ready for a fart
 LAZY               : Just fizzles
 AMIABLE            : Likes to smell others' farts
 PROUD              : Thinks his farts are exceptionally pleasant
 SHY                : Blushes when he farts silently
 CARELESS           : Farts in church
 SMART ALEC         : Farts when ladies are present
 CLEVER             : Farts and coughs at the same time
 SCIENTIFIC         : Bottles his farts
 STINGY             : Belches to save his ass-hole
 TIMID              : Jumps when he farts
 CONCEITED          : Thinks he can fart the loudest
 UNFORTUNATE        : Tries to fart but shits himself
 FOOLISH            : Suppresses a fart for hours
 BEWILDERED         : Can't tell his own fart from others
 NERVOUS            : Stops in the middle of a fart
 MISERABLE          : Can't fart at all
 CONFUSED           : Face is so much like an ass, fart can't tell
                    : which way to go
 GROUCH             : Grumbles when ladies fart
 SNEAKY             : Farts and blames it on the dog
 DISSAPOINTED       : Fart doesn't smell
 CHILDISH           : Farts and then giggles
 FRESH GUY          : Jumps in front of you and then farts
 BIG BULLY          : Farts louder than others
 DUMB               : Enjoys other farts, thinks they are his own
 CUTE               : Smells your farts and then tells you what
                    : you were eating
 WISE GUY           : Farts and asks who shit
 DAMNED MEAN        : Farts and then pulls the covers over his
                    : wife's head
 MUSICAL            : Tenor or Base, Clear as a bell, smells like
                    : shit and sounds like hell
 ATHLETIC           : Jumps in the air, farts 3 times, and kicks
                    : his heels 3 times
 SLOB               : Farts and stains his underwear
 IMPUDENT           : Farts out aloud and then laughs
 ENVIRONMENTALIST   : Farts regularly but is concerned about the
                    : pollution
 HONEST             : Admits he farted but offers a good medical
                    : reason
 DISHONEST          : Farts and then blames the dog
 THRIFTY            : One who always has farts in reserve
 ANTI-SOCIAL        : Excuses himself and farts in private
 STRATEGIC          : Conceals his fart by loud laughter
 INTELLECTUAL       : Can determine the smell of his neighbours'
                    : fart
 WHIMPY             : Farts at the slightest exertion
 SADIST             : Farts in bed, then fluffs the covers
 SENSITIVE          : Farts and then starts crying
 AQUATIC            : Farts in bath, then breaks bubbles with toes
 MASOCHIST          : Farts in the bath tub and tries to bite the
                    : bubbles

Back to Gerrit's Own Little Black Dimension!
amethyst@endor.org - 1995